


hold me close (but dont break me)

by babydeerharry



Category: One Direction
Genre: Bottom!Harry, Footballer!Louis, M/M, Non-Smut, and i love him a lot, broken!harry, collegeAU, dom!Louis, harry is a tiny baby, larry is real, small!Harry, sub!Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babydeerharry/pseuds/babydeerharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Louis and Harry are college students, Harry has a shit past and takes lots of drugs, and Louis is the concerned boyfriend who just wants to fix him. ft Zayn and Liam as the best bffs/wingmen ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hold me close (but dont break me)

Louis pushed his way through the crowd of drunk, sweaty students, with Zayn right at his side.  
“Louis, mate, I don’t see him.” Zayn said worriedly  
“He’s here, I know he is. Lets check upstairs.”

They made their way towards the back of the house, and found a spiral staircase leading to the second floor. Louis stepped up two stairs at a time, Zayn following at his heels. He opened the doors to the first two bedrooms, calling Harry’s name through the halls. Finally, he heard a whimper coming from a room near the end of the hall. 

When he opened the door, he was met with a sight he was almost too used to seeing. Harry was curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, shivers running through his body.

“Shit,” he heard Zayn mutter behind him

Louis approached Harry slowly, knowing he got very jumpy when he was like this. He kneeled down so he was at his level on the floor. 

“Harry,” he said softy, “Baby, Harry, its me, its Louis”  
Harry looked up slowly, and Louis almost gasped at the sight. His eyes were red, his cheeks covered in tear tracks, his breathing heavily labored.

“Oh baby,” Louis said sadly, “What did you take love, do you remember what you took?”

Harry just shook his head, more tears running down his face; panic in his eyes.

“Okay love, thats alright lovely. I’m gonna take you home now, okay babe? Cmon” He gathered Harry’s shaking form into his arms, frowning at how easy it was to lift him. He was skin and bones, he really was, and to say Louis was concerned was an understatement.  
“I’m sorry” Harry sobbed into his chest “I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry”  
“Shhh love, hush, its alright, I love you so much baby. Just relax, I’ve got you.”

Louis followed Zayn back to his car, and sat with Harry in the back seat. Zayn gave him a concerned look in the mirror from the drivers seat, but Louis shook his head and signaled that it was fine. They just needed to get home. Louis stroked Harrys hair the whole way back to the flat, whispering sweet nothings into his ear to keep him calm. 

Once they were in the flat, Louis took up his normal “routine” when it came to situations like this. He slowly undressed Harry in the bedroom and brought him over to the bath, setting him down gently in the warm water. He washed his body and hair with the softest hands he could, slowly lathering his skin in the soap. Harry continued to shake, the effects of the drugs not yet fully wearing off, but he was slowly coming down from the high. Louis dried him off and dressed him in plaid pajama pants and one of his own sweaters, which was large and baggy over Harrys lean body.  
After that, he just held him. He held him for hours, rocking him back and forth, wishing the pain away, until Harry finally fell asleep. It took Louis longer for sleep to take him, his mind consumed with worries for the one person he loved more than anyone. Harry was breaking, he could see it; all he could do was watch.

 

The next morning was cloudy and wet. Louis woke to the sound of rain pounding against the windows. Harry was still in his arms, fast asleep on his chest. He wished Harry could be like this all the time; calm, peaceful. He looked much younger when he was asleep, the agony in his eyes not haunting his presence.  
But, as much as Louis wanted this to stay, they still had the whole day ahead of them. He gently moved Harry off his chest and onto the pillow, heading to the bathroom for his morning shower. Once he was dressed, he headed back to the bed, stroking Harry’s arms and waking him up with a kiss.

“Time to get up love” He said softly  
“Ughhh” Harry mumbled, still half asleep  
“Good morning to you too” Louis said, nothing but love in his voice. He kissed Harry again, smiling into it when Harry started to kiss back  
“I’m gonna go make breakfast. Get ready, okay? Love you”  
“Love you too Lou” Harry said sleepily

Harry got up slowly, rubbing his eyes and trying to remember the events of the previous night. He vaguely remembered a house filled with people, and someone handing him a small pink pill. The rest was mostly a blur. He made his way to the bathroom, flinching when he looked in the mirror, His hair was messy over his head, bags present under his eyes, and tear streaks over his cheeks left from the night before. He could feel himself shrinking, his ribs very prominent under his skin, but no matter how much he pushed himself to eat, it never seemed like enough. Overall, he looked like shit.  
‘Jesus’ he thought ‘How could Louis love me looking like this?’

Louis was Harrys everything. Aside from Liam and Zayn, Louis was the only person Harry could trust. Without him, Harry had nothing in the world. 

Harry pulled on a ripped pair of black jeans and a white tee shirt, not really paying attention to how the jeans seemed looser on him than last week. The shirt hung off his shoulder, showing his very prominent collarbones. When it was a struggle just to get through the day, appearance wasn’t really a priority for him.

This isn’t to say Harry wasn’t beautiful, because God was he gorgeous. He still takes Louis’ breath away every time he sees him; his pale skin and bright green eyes (which have admittedly gotten duller over the years) and luscious brown curls were enough to catch anyones attention, guys or girls. But Louis favorite feature of Harry’s had to be his lips, pink and plump and highly kissable in any situation. Harry was desired by many, but he only had eyes for Louis. 

Harry quietly padded into the kitchen, where Louis was making a breakfast of tea and toast (this was one of the only things he could make without there being a risk of him burning down the kitchen). Harry walked past him to get his mug, leaning up to peck him on the lips. But Louis had other plans. He put one hand on the back of Harry’s neck, holding him to his lips, while the other hand went around his waist, hoisting him up easily and lifting him onto the counter; all without breaking the kiss. 

“Lou” Harry giggled into his mouth “Lou, stop let me go!” But he was laughing, and Louis was watching him fondly.He wished he could bottle up Harry’s laugh and keep it forever.  
“I am so in love with you, Harry Edward Styles” Louis said sincerely  
Harry looked up at Louis, his giggles fading into a small smile  
“I love you more, Louis William Tomlinson” He said softly  
“Impossible” Louis said, taking Harry in his arms again, and peppering his face with kisses. All around, it was a good morning. Even if Harry barely touched his toast and the topic of the night before was left unspoken; Louis wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

They walked to UNI hand in hand, making small talk about different classes and upcoming events. Louis semi-final game for his football team was that Friday, and he was extremely nervous. Harry told him he was being ridiculous, of course they would win (“How could you not, you guys are the best team playing!”) and Harry confessed that he was nervous about his final projects in both Photography and English Lit, saying he would have Zayn look over them this afternoon.  
It was all well until Harry pulled out one of his cigarettes and lit it, bringing it to his lips and taking a long drag. It was standing as another reminder to Louis that Harry really wasn’t okay. He constantly needed something to numb the pains daily life; there was always a burden on his shoulders. 

From the time Louis met Harry, he found himself wishing he could somehow magically fix him. Even before learning about Harry’s troubled past and deep depression, Louis could feel the agony pounding through Harry’s veins; it’s like he was transparent, his demons on display for everyone to see. It was hard to watch, and even harder to fall in love with someone who’s inner self was so damaged. Harry was a fallen angel, and Louis would give anything to mend his wings.

The next time it happened was the after-party for Louis’ football game that Friday night. The team had won, which meant they were going to play finals. Louis was ecstatic: as team captain, he got the most praise for the team's victory. Harry and the lads had run onto the field to hug him right after the game had finished, and they headed straight to the after-party that Louis’ friend Stan was throwing.  
Harry had seemed off that entire week, going through at least ten cigarettes a day and barely even cracking a smile. Louis had been so busy training he hadn’t been able to spend much time with him, so he didn’t notice how bad things had really gotten. Once they got to the party, Louis was pulled into a crowd of his teammates on the dancefloor, and was handed many different alcoholic concoctions he just couldn’t refuse.  
He had assumed that Harry was with Zayn and Liam, but when he met up with them a couple hours later, they said they hadn’t seen Harry the whole night.

“Wait, you haven’t seem him at all?” Louis said, the worry evident in his voice  
“No Lou, he disappeared about the same time you did, so we assumed he was with you” Liam said, starting to get worried himself  
“Shit,” Louis said “I called his mobile like 5 times, he won’t answer”  
“Lets go look for him. God knows what trouble he got himself into this time” Zayn said, leading Louis and Liam through the dancing crowd, all three of them calling Harry’s name

They found him passed out on one of the couches, a half empty bottle of vodka still loosely held in his hand. Louis felt so guilty, he should have stayed with him, he knew something like this would happen.  
“Fuck,” Louis said  
“He’s fine Louis, he just passed out. Lets get him home.” 

 

Louis remembers when Harry told him. He was shaking harder than ever, his body wracked with sobs. Louis kept wanting to interrupt, but Harry had asked him not to say anything until he was done. By the time he was, Louis was sure he was crying harder than Harry himself.  
Harry’s mom died when he was 7 years old, leaving him with his father and sister. A year later, his sister bailed, making it just him and his father. His father had always been a bit rough with him , but it was once he started drinking heavily that the beatings began. Harry’s father would beat him every day since he was 8 until he was 15, yelling that he had killed his mother and that he was a waste of space.  
Zayn and Liam had been friends with Harry since Harry was six, and they were 11. They met him at a camp he went to the year before his mother had passed, and the three had been inseparable ever since. They had seen Harry’s downfall first hand, and they would never forget the day they found out about his father. Harry had showed up at Zayn’s house in the middle of the night, covered in blood and bruises, saying that his father had beat him for hours, before going outside and shooting himself in the head. It was the anniversary of his mothers death, and his father finally lost it.  
Zayn took Harry into his home, Liam sleeping over almost every night with them. Harry woke in the middle of the nights screaming, and Zayn and Liam had to hold him through the tears and the anxiety for months. They came home one day to find Harry on the bathroom floor, both wrists slit and a bottle of empty pills in his hand. They were sure they had lost him, but by some miracle, Harry made it through. Since then, Harry had been in and out of therapy and different hospitals. He got in deep with drugs and alcohol, doing whatever it took to numb the pain. Harry was falling, and no one could catch him.

*********

Semester break was coming up, and Louis decided they needed to get away. They had two weeks off, and Louis had a plan. He discussed it with the lads that afternoon, when they were having an early dinner at an old diner near campus.  
“So, basically, we’d rent a van, and drive it around the city?” Liam asked  
“Not just around the city. We could go to the countryside, maybe the beach too.” Louis explained “I just think it’d be good for all of us to get away for a while”  
Everyone knew that by “all of us”, he really meant Harry. Harry had been sitting quietly during the conversation, cuddled into Louis’ side with Louis’ arm around his shoulders, picking at his food and not really saying anything. Louis leaned down to talk to him while Liam and Zayn discussed plans for the trip.  
“You alright love? What do you think about the trip?”  
“It sounds...fun.” Harry said hesitantly. Louis could tell he had something more to say.  
“But…?” Louis prompted him. Harry hid his face into Louis shoulder before saying in a small voice “Won’t you get tired of me? I mean, two weeks in a van together, you won’t have anywhere to go if you get sick of me or something.”  
Louis was shocked.  
“Harry, love,” he said carefully “Is that really what you think? That I’ll get sick of you?”  
Harry just shrugged, looking down at his lap and playing with his fingers.  
Louis took Harrys face in his hand, gently tilting his chin so he would look at him.  
“I never get sick of you baby. I love so much. You’re everything for me.”  
Liam and Zayn had grown silent in the row across, watching the situation unfold. Zayn cleared his throat, muttering something about needing to use the bathroom, and him and Liam got up quickly to give the two some privacy.  
“I just, I love you Lou, I’m scared. Its getting bad again, and I don't want you to leave once you see how bad it can really get.” Harry said all this in one breath, like he was rushing to get it out.  
“I would never leave. No matter what happens, I’ll never leave you. I promise. Okay?”  
“Okay” Harry said, a shy smile growing on his face. God, Louis was in love. But that may be what will hurt him the most.  
*******  
They set out for their trip on the first of November. They had their bags packed, Louis had rented the van, and there was a feeling of excitement in the air. Their first stop was to the heart of London. They would most likely find some shitty motel to sleep at, and go out and explore the city in the night.  
Louis was sat in the drivers seat, Liam at his side, and Harry and Zayn sat together in the back. Harry was giggling at something Zayn was saying, his eyes lighting up as the conversation went on. They had a playlist playing that Harry made of some random indie songs that Louis (though he never admit it to Harry or to himself) actually really liked. It was the perfect way to start the trip.  
At around 9:00, they started to get hungry. Louis found a random milkshake place in a little town on their way, and they stopped there to get milkshakes and sandwiches. So far, the trip was going well.  
*********  
They spent the next few days by the beach. The skies were cloudy, but it wasn’t too cold out. There was a nice breeze , and the water was beautiful. Louis sat on the sand with Harry on his lap, kissing slowly. It was nice and calm, a good break from the city and the people in it. Louis moved down from Harry’s lips, to his chin, then biting down on the soft flesh of his neck  
“Louuuu” Harry whined, causing him to chuckle and pull away, laughing again when Harry whined at the loss.  
“So” Louis said “How’ve you been feeling lovely?”  
“Im good Lou. Im feeling a lot better. This trip was a really good idea. Thank you” Harry said shyly, a blush creeping on his cheeks  
“Anything for you love”  
The moment was ruined when Zayn ran up to the two and splashed water over both of them, Liam laughing in the background. Harry gave a small shriek and started laughing, while Louis jumped up and (with Harry clinging to his back like a koala bear) ran after a cackling Zayn, yelling “Oh so you think you can get my boy Malik? You’ll pay for that one”  
Harry was laughing and cheering into Louis’ ear while he went after Zayn and Liam. It was a good day.

That night Harry and Louis made love on the creaky bed in the motel, and they both fell asleep smiling. Next stop was the forest.

Louis, Liam, and Zayn were getting the firewood together into a big pile for the campfire they were going to have that night. Harry was sat reading on a tree stump, like the little princess he was. He had a newly woven flower crown on his head (something he had learned in camp) and he looked adorable.  
Once they were done, they got the fire going. They all sat around the campfire, wrapped in blankets and warm clothes. They had gotten some marshmallows to roast from a gas station on the outskirts of town, and just talked about life. It was really good.  
**************  
Then the party really started. They found a nightclub in the center of town, and though Harry wasn’t technically of age, he charmed his way in with no problem. They danced the night away, and Harry hadn’t left Louis’ side once, which was a big relief to Louis, because he could watch over him and make sure he stayed sober.  
That was, until Harry said he had to use the restroom, and it took every bit of restraint he had not to go with him. After all, he didn’t want to coddle him and make him feel like Louis was his babysitter.

Harry had been gone for 20 minutes before Louis allowed himself to get really worried. Sure, there might have been a line, or one of the stalls may have been broken, but 20 minutes was the most Louis could go without panicking. Its a good thing he did, because who knows what may have happened if he hadn’t gone looking for Harry.  
As he made his way towards the bathroom, the music from the club became a buzz in the background. Thats when he heard someone yelling for help. He knew that voice anywhere. Louis started running.  
Louis burst through the bathroom doors and was so angered by the sight in front of him he swore he was seeing red. Harry was pinned against the wall by a man that was considerably larger and taller than he was (then again, Harry was tiny, so it wasn’t a surprise if someone was bigger than him. Louis himself felt huge in comparison). There were tears running down Harry’s face, and he looked terrified. The man was kissing down his neck and trying to get his clothes off, while Harry was crying and whimpering, begging “no” and “please stop” in a broken voice.  
Louis didn’t even think twice before he was pulling the man off Harry, and beating the shit out of him. He was so mad, he had completely zoned out. The only thing he could think was “this man hurt harry someone touched my harry he touched my baby”.  
When Louis finally came to his senses, there was blood on his knuckles and he was punching the man while straddling him to keep him on the floor. The man had fallen unconscious. Now all that was on his mind was Harry.  
Harry was sat against the wall, sobbing, curled up in a little ball and rocking back and forth. He was saying something, Louis realized. He kept repeating “Lou” while tears ran down his face and his eyes flicked around in panic. Louis wasted no time, taking Harry into his arms, trying to calm him down.  
“Im here baby, no ones going to touch you, I’m not going to touch you. You’re okay, I promise you’re safe”  
Harry just cried into Louis’ chest, pleading with him “I didn’t want him Lou, please, I didn’t mean to make him want me. Please, I only want you”  
Louis cradled him softly “I know little love, I know you would never do such a thing. None of this was your fault. I love you so much.”

Liam and Zayn found them 10 minutes later, both looking wide eyed at the scene before them. The man on the floor covered in blood, Louis’ bruised knuckles and Harry’s shocked state. They called the cops to come get the man and headed back to the motel before they arrived. Harry had fallen asleep in Louis arms, and he set him in the bed before going to the other room to see Liam and Zayn, who were talking quietly.  
“Louis” Zayn stood up as soon as Louis came into the room. “What happened? Is he okay? Who was that guy?”  
Louis explained what he knew of the story, and by the time he was done, Liam and Zayn were more than pissed off.  
“That fucker! Who the fuck does he think he is, that fucking rapist bastard! God I could kill him right now.” Zayn’s nostrils were flaring, and honestly, he was terrifying when he was mad.  
“Zayn keep your voice down, you don’t want him to wake up.” Liam said carefully “He’s been through enough, poor kid.”  
Zayn sighed “You’re right. He has been through enough. This is fucking bullshit. Harry doesn’t deserve any of this. He’s the sweetest, kindest, most caring person I know.” They all knew he was right.  
“Alright lads, I say we call it a night. We can talk more in the morning.” Louis said tiredly. Zayn and Liam went off to their separate beds, while Louis went back to Harry. He took the smaller boy in his arms, whispering in his hair how much he loved him. He fell asleep with tears in his eyes and the thoughts of a certain curly haired angel on his mind.

At 3am, Louis woke up to Harry thrashing and screaming in his arms. He could barely make out what he was saying, but he could tell he was begging for something, and he was crying violently.  
“Harry” Louis said, trying not to panic. He had dealt with Harry’s night terrors before, but they never got any easier “Harry, Haz, wake up baby. Its just a dream, wake up love”

Zayn and Liam had heard the screaming, and they stumbled into the bedroom, still half asleep

“Whazgoingon” Liam said, rubbing his eyes. Harry started thrashing harder than ever, and Louis was having trouble holding the fragile boy down.  
“Zayn” Louis said, and thats all he had to say before Zayn was on the bed, gently taking Harry from Louis’ arms, holding him down while trying to wake him 

“Harry, cmon babe, wake up. Its me, its Zayn. You’re safe Haz, wake up”  
Harry’s eyes flew open in panic. He looked around fearfully, trying to remember what was happening, before realizing where he was. He also noticed that he was in someones arms, and they were whispering to him.  
“Zayn” Harry sighed in relief, waiting for his heart rate to go down  
“Hi Haz. You’re alright babe, you’re okay”  
Harry just buried his head into Zayn’s chest, letting the familiar scent sooth him. It was amazing how close the two were, and the calming effect Zayn had on the boy. But then something crossed Harry’s mind, and he panicked all over again.  
“Wh-wheres Louis? Did he leave? He left didn’t he? He left me because im disgusting, im worthless, he’s gone, oh god, hes gone Zayn-”  
Harry was shaking and sobbing all over again, and he felt himself being pulled from Zayn’s arms, and into another familiar set of arms.  
“I’m here darling. I told you I’d never leave, my love. Shhh calm down baby I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”  
Harry cried in relief, and let himself he held by Louis. Zayn and Liam were too worried to go back to bed, so they set up sheets and blankets on the floor so they could sleep in the room in case Harry needed them again. All around, it was a long night. 

They went home the next day. It was too much, the incident had affected them all. Their vacation was over.  
Harry had barely said a word since that night. He seemed to shrink even further into himself than usual, and flinched at the slightest things, staying pressed close to Louis’ side at all times. 

School was an absolute nightmare. If Harry was quiet before, it was nothing compared to him now. He never went anywhere alone, and never let go of Louis' hand. Louis couldn't say he blamed him. Louis' protectiveness over the boy had become 10 times stronger, always having to keep him in sight. The only times he left him alone were when he went to class, and even then he made sure either Liam or Zayn was there with him. 

On top of that, Harry's nightmares were getting worse. There were some nights that he wouldn't even sleep, which meant Louis, Zayn, and Liam didn't sleep either. They were all worried, and exhausted. 

One Saturday morning, Louis, and Zayn were sat in the kitchen having breakfast. Harry was asleep in the bedroom, and Liam had went out for his morning workout. Louis and Zayn were discussing the football game they watched last night. They were talking about their least favorite player.  
Harry was just walking down the hallway when he heard their conversation.  
"Jesus, he's so fucking annoying."  
"I know, I wish he'd just leave already. I'm sick of him getting in the way."  
"There has to be some way to get rid of him. He's nothing but a pain in the ass."

Harry had tears in his eyes, thinking they were talking about him. He ran back upstairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. 

Harry locked himself in the bedroom, sliding down against the wall and trying not to panic. It didn't work. His breathing was labored and his thoughts were racing. 

They were sick of him. The only people he had in the world, didn't want to deal with him anymore. What was he going to do?  
********  
"I'm gonna go check on Harry." Louis said when they had finished breakfast. Zayn nodded, keeping his eyes trained on the TV. 

Louis tried to open the door, when he realized it was locked. Why would Harry lock it?  
He knocked softly "Haz? Why is the door locked babe?" There was no answer, but he heard sniffling behind the door. "Harry are you alright?" Louis asked again, starting to worry.  
"I'm fine L-lou, just give me a minute." Harry answered in a shaky voice. He quickly wiped his eyes and tried to make it look like he wasn't crying. When he was sure it was okay, he opened the door.  
Louis stepped forward, immediately opening his arms to hug Harry. But Harry flinched back at the movement, causing Louis to freeze and drop his arms.  
"Harry" he said hesitantly "Are you okay love?"  
Harry just nodded, trying hard to keep it together and not fall apart. Louis didn't want him anymore. Harry shouldn't force himself on him.  
"Yeah I'm fine, Louis." Harry gave a weak smile. Louis wasn't convinced. But before he could say anything, Harry spoke "I'm gonna run to the shower." He pecked Louis on the cheek, and went into the bathroom before Louis could even react. 

Louis was left standing alone in the room, confused and concerned for his boyfriend. 

In the bathroom, Harry waited until he was sure  
Louis had left the room, before turning on the shower to make sure no one could hear him and finally let himself cry. His body was wracked with sobs, Louis and Zayn's words echoing through his mind.  
I'm worthless he thought miserably No wonder they don't want me anymore.  
Harry didn't know what to do. If Louis and Zayn were serious about what they were saying, then they were going to try and find a way to "get rid" of Harry, once and for all.  
Harry decided he would just help them out with that plan. The only way to stop bothering them, was to run away. For good.  
**********  
Harry had spent a good 3 days planning his escape. As hard as it was to think he'd be on his own again, he didn't want to keep being such a bother to Louis and the boys. If they wanted him out, then thats what he'd give them. 

He was going to leave that Thursday night. He had packed a bag with warm clothes, a water bottle, cigarettes, his camera, his journal and some cash he was able to gather. He also packed his favorite of Louis' sweaters, and the locket Louis had given him for his birthday. Louis may have stopped loving Harry, but Harry would never stop loving Louis. 

That day was one of the hardest in Harry's life (and Harry had been through a lot of hard days). It hurt knowing that this would be the last time he would see these boys, but he was relieved that he would soon be off their backs. 

Sooner than Harry would have liked, night time arrived. He was in bed in Louis' arms, with Louis' whispered I love you's in his ears. Something, he now knew, was a lie. 

When Louis fell asleep, Harry carefully moved Louis' arms from his waist and quietly got off the bed. He grabbed his bag from where he had hidden it under their bed, and left the little note he had written for Louis on his bedside table, tears running down his face. With one last look at the love of his life, Harry turned and made his way out of the apartment, and into the chilly streets of London.  
*********  
Louis woke up to an empty space next to him. He yawned, and glanced at the clock. 7am.  
He was surprised that Harry hadn't woken him at all last night, and that he wasn't in bed right now. He never woke up before Louis, especially this early. 

Louis walked to the living room, expecting to see Harry on the couch. But he wasn't there. Louis checked the kitchen, too, but the young boy was nowhere to be found.  
Louis went back into the bedroom, going to see if maybe Harry was in the bathroom and he hadn't noticed.  
Thats when he saw the little folded up paper by his bed, with the word Louis written on it in Harry's handwriting.  
Louis almost ran to it, ripping the paper apart and quickly reading it. He fell to his knees, tears in his eyes, his heart beating fast. Harry had run away.  
*********  
"Why though? I dont understand! What did we do wrong?!" Zayn yelled  
Louis had immediately woke up Zayn and Liam, showing them the note and trying to suppress his panic. They were all shocked.  
"He said that he had heard what we said about him, and he was sorry that he didn't realize we felt that way. What does he mean by that?" Liam said, sounding very worried and confused.  
Louis hadn't said a word since he read the letter. He was in shock. How could Harry think he didn't love him anymore? What did he do to make him think that?  
Liam patted Louis on the back. "Its okay, Lou. We'll find him. He couldn't have gone far."  
"Who knows when he left Li?! He could be anywhere right now!"  
"We'll find him." Liam seemed to be trying to convince himself more than Louis. 

The first thing they did was call the police, to report a runaway minor. They gave a description of Harry, and sent in a picture. The police promised to keep their eyes out for him. 

But that wasn't enough for Louis. He spent all that day looking for Harry, and the next day, and the day after that. He was getting more and more frustrated as the days went by, and more worried. They had tried Harry's cell tons of times, but he kept it off.  
On Monday there was a reported spotting of Harry in Bristol. Louis and the lads wasted no time driving up there. They looked around the whole city, and that night they stayed in a motel just outside of town.  
Louis was worried out of his mind. He just wanted his Harry in his arms.  
***********  
Harry had had a long few days. He made his way through London, all the way up to Bristol (he took the subway there on his second day on his own).  
Harry felt lonely and depressed. He craved Louis' presence, wanted to be held by him and reassured that it was all okay. He had already smoked through his entire pack of cigarettes, but didn't want to use up his remaining money to buy more. He also hadn't eaten a proper meal in days, living off water and power bars.  
But he knew he had no other choice. He wasn't welcome with the others anymore. He had to start over.  
He settled down on a bench in one of the parks, using Louis' sweater as a blanket and clutching his bag to his chest. In the morning, he decided, he would go to one of the diners in town and see if they had any job openings. He needed to start working.  
Harry sighed again, and tried to sleep. He looked up at the stars, and remembered when Louis would tell him that they twinkled almost as bright as his eyes. 

Harry fell asleep with tears streaming down his face.  
**********  
"Louis, I know you want to start looking, but we have to eat something." Liam said with a mouth full of pancakes.  
A very pissed off Louis was glaring at the plate of eggs and toast that the boys had ordered him.  
Zayn was sipping black coffee, looking extremely tired and dead in the eyes. Louis could only imagine how much worse he himself looked.  
Zayn glanced up. "Just eat something Louis. We'll leave soon, promise."  
It was two against one, so Louis just rolled his eyes and stuck a piece of toast in his mouth. 

The door to the diner opened, and there was a little tinkle of the bell that announced someones arrival. Louis barely looked up, his thoughts consumed with Harry.  
"Can I help you?" The woman behind the counter said.  
"Yeah" said a tired voice "I'm looking for a job please."  
Louis would know that voice anywhere. He whipped around, and his heart almost jumped out of his chest.  
It was Harry.  
"Harry! HARRY!" Liam had seen him too, and was yelling out to the boy. Louis couldn't seem to say anything, his words stuck in his throat.  
Harry looked up and saw Liam and the other boys sat at the table. His eyes widened, like a deer in headlights, and he ran out of the diner quicker than Louis thought was possible.  
"LIAM YOU IDIOT! YOU MADE HIM LEAVE!"  
Zayn yelled. Before Louis even realized what was happening, he was running. He ran out of the diner, yelling Harry's name. Zayn was right at his heels, Liam lagging a bit behind because he had stopped to leave money for their food. 

Harry was no where to be seen. The boys kept looking, making sure to leave no place unchecked.  
This was going to be a long day.  
*********  
Harry was running like he had never ran in his life. Finally, when he felt like his lungs would collapse, he stopped, sitting behind a bush and trying to collect his thoughts.  
Why were the boys here? Were they looking for him? That made no sense, they were the ones who wanted him gone in the first place.  
Unless you misunderstood them a little voice in Harry's voice suggested.  
But there was no way. They didn't want him anymore right? He had heard them say that!  
But they never actually said your name, did they Harry?  
Harry clutched his head, trying to make sense of the situation. He could feel the panic rising in his chest, and he had no idea what to do.  
********  
They had been looking for an hour, and there was still no sign of Harry. But they were far from finished. They made in into the heart of town, no longer calling Harry's name, but keeping an eye out for him.  
After another hour, they (meaning Liam and Zayn) decided it was time to take a break. Louis couldn't sit still, pacing with worry. He kept looking, checking in the oddest places. Finally, he got tired too, and sat down beside a bush on the side of the rode.  
Louis sat and tried to think of where Harry could be. Just then, he heard sniffling from behind the bush. He slowly got up, and moved to look behind the leaves.  
For the second time that day, Louis' heart felt like it would jump from his chest.  
Curled in a ball, faced away from him, was Harry.  
"Harry" Louis said in relief, a couple tears falling from his eyes (Louis never cried, it took a lot to make him feel that emotional).  
Harry jumped, and turned around to see Louis. He stood up quickly, and Louis could tell he was going to try and run again. Before he could, Louis grabbed his arm, concerned when he realized his fingers could fully circle around Harry's bicep. The boy had gotten even skinnier than before.  
Harry gasped and tried to pull his arm free, but the poor boy barely had any strength left.  
He gave in eventually, and Louis pulled him against his chest.  
Harry sobbed into Louis' shoulder, while Louis stroked his hair and whispered words of comfort to him.  
"It's okay, I'm here now baby. You're okay love, you're okay."  
Harry didn't say a word, just continued to cry and clutch on to Louis like his life depended on it. 

Louis picked Harry up bridal style, and brought him back to where Liam and Zayn were sat. When they saw Harry, they both yelled in surprise, and relief. Louis put Harry down so that Zayn and Liam could take their turns hugging him.  
Zayn held Harry close for at least five minutes, whispering to him as Harry shook and shivered in Zayn's hold. 

The ride home was silent. They were all dying to ask Harry what had happened, why he had run away, but they knew better than to ask the boy right now. He sat in Louis' lap, his face in his shoulder, while Louis rocked him back and forth. They were just happy Harry was safe, and back where he belonged. 

When they got home, Liam and Zayn sat in the living room, and Louis brought Harry to the bedroom. He started to take off Harry's clothes to get him straight into a warm shower, when Harry flinched back and shook his head. Louis kneeled to get on his level.  
"Haz, you're freezing. We have to get you into the shower love. I won't touch you if you don't want me to, but you have to get warm."  
Harry just looked down at his shaking hands, tears running down his face. Louis brought up a hand to wipe them dry.  
"Harry, please talk to me. What happened baby? Why did you run away?"  
Harry took a couple shaky breaths, before he started to talk.  
"I um I heard you and...Z-zayn saying some t-things" Harry said hesitantly  
"Okay, what kind of things love?" Louis asked carefully.  
Harry took another deep breath. "You guys were talking at b-breakfast, saying how much of a b-bother I am, and how.....how you wanted to get r-rid of m-me."  
Louis was shocked. "What?!" Harry winced at his tone, and Louis took a second to remind himself how sensitive Harry was at that moment.  
"Harry we...we never said that. Why would be ever say anything like that? We love you more than anything." Louis was beyond confused now.  
There were more tears running down Harry's face. "It's okay Lou, y-you don't have to lie. I know how much of a b-bother I am. I don't deserve any of you, especially y-you."  
Louis was speechless, he had no idea what to say. Harry misinterpreted Louis' silence as a confirmation that what he was saying was true. He moved to get up and leave, but Louis didn't let him, instead moving closer to connect their lips. The kiss told Harry everything. It showed him Louis' love for him, his devotion, his lust. It was meant to convey something that words just couldn't explain.  
Louis pulled away slowly. Both their breathing was labored, and Louis put his forehead against Harry's.  
"I love you. Always. You will never, ever be a bother to me. I want to grow old with you and get married and have tons of little babies with your eyes and your smile. Don't run away from me baby, I'm all yours."  
Harry was crying again, and Louis was about to ask him what was wrong, when Harry threw his arms around Louis neck and hugged him. Louis held him close and sighed in relief.  
"You never want to get rid of me?" Harry asked in a small voice.  
Louis shook his head. "Never ever baby."  
"Zayn and Liam too?"  
"Zayn and Liam too. Always."  
Harry felt like a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He also realized how cold he was.  
"Lou" he said into Louis' shoulder. Louis grunted in reply.  
"I'm actually really cold, so maybe we could reconsider that shower idea?" Louis laughed fondly, kissing Harry on the forehead.  
"Of course love, come on."  
*********  
After making sure Harry was clean and showered, and dressed in his warmest clothes, Louis brought Harry to the living room. Louis went to the kitchen to fix Harry something to eat, leaving him to talk to Liam and Zayn, and explain the situation.  
They both felt horrible when Harry told them what happened, and were quick to reassure him that none of that was true. They would be by his side forever.  
"Harry, come eat babe!" Louis called. Harry went to the kitchen, to see a table filled with food.  
"Lou! This is way too much food!"  
Louis shook his head. "You have to eat, you're way too thin love. Did you even eat during the days you were away?"  
Harry looked at his hands, fidgeting with his fingers (something Louis knew he always did when he was lying)  
"Yeah, I did. 'Course."  
Louis sighed. "Don't lie to me love. Just come eat okay?  
Harry knew better than to argue, so he sat next to Louis and started to pick at the food. He ate as much as he could before his stomach started to hurt, and he had to push the food away. Louis frowned, but he knew Harry couldn't eat any more that night.  
"We'll build up to it, yeah? Get some more meat on those bones. We need to make sure you're healthy."  
Harry just nodded in agreement, and started to clean up the table. Louis gently grabbed his arm to stop him.  
"Oh no you don't love. You need to go to bed. We'll take care of this."  
Harry was too tired to protest, so he just nodded and let Louis lead him to the bedroom.  
Louis tucked Harry in, and was going to leave to help Zayn and Liam clear the kitchen, when he felt something tug at his sleeve.  
Harry looked up him with wide eyes. "Where are you going? Arent you-I mean, are you gonna stay with me?" He trembled a bit. "Please stay Lou, please, I need you."  
Louis was in bed in an instant, taking Harry into his arms and whispering into his hair. "I'm here baby. You can sleep"  
Harry gave a happy little sigh and snuggled closer to Louis. He fell asleep almost instantly, and Louis wasn't far behind.  
It was the first night that Harry was able to fully sleep through, no nightmares to bother him, safe in Louis' arms.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this is my first post on here and im super nervous...please send me any feedback you have!
> 
> twitter: @dragslwt


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